Main Card
Ciryl Gane (-175) vs. Sergey Spivak (+145)
Gane: DK: $8.7k | Spivak: DK:$7.5k
“Hey, you guys!” He’s back. One of the most underrated heroes of our generation, a man who, with the help of his trusty sidekick, Chunk, brought the Fratelli Crime Family to its knees. Nothing has changed; Sloth is still kicking ass with Chunk in his corner. Pippen/Jordan, Allen/Bo, Shaq/Kobe, Lemieux/Jagr... Sloth/Chunk. A win this Saturday night will leave no doubt that their names belong among those of Sports greatest duos. But some One-Eyed Willy treasure hunt type-shit this won’t be. On paper, it will be one of the most glaring mismatches of all time, Sloth from Goonies vs. T-X, Skynet’s most advanced Terminator. But there is hope for a celebratory Truffle Shuffle; this is a classic wrestler vs. striker matchup, and Sloth, aka Sergey Spivak, might be the most dominant pure wrestler/grappler in the heavyweight division, and rumors of massive flaws in the T-X's, aka Ciryl Gane, takedown defense and Jiu-Jitsu software could create a viable path to victory.
At its heart, this will be a story of survival. For Spivak to have a shot at victory, he will first have to survive a Frodo-like trek across No-Man's Land, a desolate radioactive wasteland heavily defended by hypersonic kicks and punches. This fight will come down to Spivak’s ability to navigate around Gane’s impaling teeps and stabbing boxers’ jabs. On the feet, Spivak’s striking is only a formality. He has a starter’s kit jab but not much else when it comes to throwing hands. His boxing is all stock power punches built only to provide cover when closing the distance. Two of Spivak’s three UFC losses were early first-round TKO/KOS at the hands of guys with excellent hand speed. And Gane has a surplus of that.
I’ve told the story before about my first street fight. It was when I was in kindergarten or first grade. Some Huckleberry Finn MF and his Tom Sawyer cronies kept bullying me and a homie until we finally snapped like Gomer Pyle did on Sergeant Hartman. It went down at high noon at recess in the sandbox. It was two on three with me and my homie Antoine at the disadvantage. No punches were thrown; it was all pushes and trips. We tripped the shit out of those jabronis. Antoine dusted two, and I handled the third, dominating him with the ol’ step-behind trip. I like to think our performance that day was an inspiration for Sergey Spivak. He uses similar schoolyard tactics, sneaky little step-arounds, and nifty inside-leg trips as his base takedown attack. Spivak has trips like Autumn. They don’t have to result in a takedown; they only have to get the opponent off balance, and then he can chain a single or double. Spivak is extra handy with the high-crotch single because he barely has to level change to lock it up. Fighters think they are safe with Spivak in no posture to finish the takedown, and the next thing they know, Spivak lifts them into the air. This will be the takedown Gane will have to have a defense for, especially against the cage.
Spivak reminds me of Chris Benoit before he went crazy and was just a WWF wrestler. Benoit was known for the triple-Supplex. He would keep his hands locked and repeatedly throw the opponent. Spivak uses a similar tactic; he will drag you to the mat, allow you to get back up, maintain the lock, and drag you back down again. It’s a sadistic tactic, a cultivation of false hope like escaping Doctor Satan’s lair only to accept a ride to the police station from Captain Spalding. You repeatedly get back to your feet only to be dragged back down, and the process repeats until you’re too gassed to get back up again. Once he gets you to the mat, Spivak uses a perfect mix of chain wrestling, control, ground and pound, and submissions. Spivak is 16-3 with a symmetrical seven TKO/KOs and seven subs. Spivak is riding a three-fight winning/finishing streak and has won six of his last seven. That lone loss was telling, though. It was a TKO at the hands of Tom Aspinall, a guy with similar if not exact, physical attributes on the feet. Aspinall’s speed was too much for Spivak, and Gane’s speed is in the same ballpark.
The last time we saw Ciryl Gane, he looked like a poorly portrayed Lifetime movie of the week version of himself. He looked like the dude playing the dude, disguised as another dude.
“Or are you a dude who has no idea what dude he is and claims to know what dude he is?”
Who knows which dude playing the dude disguised as Ciryl Gane will show up against Spivak? What I do know is that an imposter showed up in his steed the two times he fought for the belt. Gane was outwrestled by Francis Ngannou for three straight rounds when he lost his first title shot. The logical question to ask is, if Francis Ngannou can takedown Gane four times and control him on the mat to the tune of eight and a half minutes, what will Spivak do to him? Forty-five: That's the number to remember. But we ain’t talking firearms or malt liquor; we’re talkin’ Gane’s forty-five percent takedown defense. My son watches Gane’s takedown defense and grappling get picked up from the curb every Thursday morning. It’s trash; it ain’t it, chief. I ain’t your chief, buddy. I ain’t you buddy, guy. My neighbor’s Christmas lights haven’t been taken down in three years, but Gane has been six times in his last three fights.
Gane will have to copyright infringe, straight Gorilla Black bite Sean O’Malley’s entire steez. Perpetual lateral movement, especially against the cage, will be the key for Gane. He has to look like Barry Sanders hitting the hole every time he comes close to the cage. Although Aljo was able to trap O’Malley against the cage once in the first round, Aljo’s angle was off and it allowed O’Malley to escape out the back door. Kicks will also be a key for Gane. Usually, you want to refrain from throwing kicks early against an opponent hell-bent on taking you down, but Gane’s foot speed and leg dexterity will allow him to break the rules. Repeated round kicks to the body out of the southpaw stance will break Spivak’s posture and force Spivak to bring his hands down to defend. If Gane finishes the fight on the feet, it will be by a head kick.
Teeps/snap kicks will also be key. A red Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort punt-to-the-face-advisory-level will be in effect on Saturday night. Gane uses snap kicks like jabs to maintain range and influence future reactions. Gane has to keep them corns and bunions in Spivak’s face. If I were Gane, I’d be making my toes extra corny for this fight, rocking loafers with no socks for the entire training camp to get them nice and hard. Overall, attacking the body and not repeating the mistake he made early against Jon Jones and reaching for a cross will be pivotal for Gane. I wouldn’t even target Spivak’s head with my hands and maintain punching at chest level and below until Spivak is too compromised to close the distance and change levels.
This one won’t go the distance. Gane will either maintain range and piece up Spivak from the outside until the finish presents itself, or Spivak will snatch a single, fling Gane to the mat, and eventually finish with strikes or a choke. Gane is the higher output striker at five SLpM to Spivak’s four, but Spivak averages five takedowns per fifteen minutes. This is as grappler vs. striker as you can get. T-X is the (-185) favorite, and Sloth is the (+155) live dog. Spivak is an underrated heathen on the mat, and Gane has very little chance of surviving there. The main event-winning streak sits at noine, tying the two-time record after The Korean Zombie rushed the safe house and went out on his shield last week against Maxxy Baby. A Gane TKO/KO will return (-105). A Spivak TKO/KO will return (+450), and a submission (-400). This is one of the toughest main events to pick this year. But we didn’t come this far to turn back now. Bust out the Baby Ruth and Superman t-shirt; Sergey Spivak via rear-naked choke, round two. Put it on wax, homies.
Winner: Sergey Spivak | Method: Rear-Naked Choke Rd.2